I ASKED MY FRIEND TO KEEP A SECRET FOR ME, AND SHE TOLD A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN OUR FRIEND GROUP. IT WASN’T TOTALLY A BIG DEAL, BUT I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN TRUST HER ANYMORE. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Call her out on it. Say, “It hurt me.” And don’t tell that bitch anything you don’t want getting around.
HOW DO YOU MAKE NEW FRIENDS WHEN IT FEELS LIKE EVERYONE ALREADY HAS THEIR GROUP?
When I first got to college, I felt like I needed to find my best friends immediately. Putting pressure on every interaction I had made it harder to make real friendships. If you let friendships develop naturally through classes, hobbies, and activities, it’s a lot more fun.
WHY DO I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT PULLING AWAY FROM A FRIEND WHO TREATS ME BADLY?
Probably because you are a sensitive person who has a hard time putting up boundaries. Friends who treat you badly usually start off by treating you well, so you’re confused. They weren’t always like this, and you want things to go back to how they were. When someone treats me poorly, it teaches me something about them. It’s good to tell your friend how they made you feel and ask them not to do it again. If they continue to treat you poorly, they don’t deserve your time and energy.
HOW CAN I BE MORE CONFIDENT?
Find the traits that you like about yourself and lean in to them. My friends and I play this game on our birthdays: Everyone goes around the table and says the things they love about the birthday person. It’s helpful hearing that from your friends or family. Also, do things that build confidence. I remember feeling really insecure in college, but I was like, “I feel confident when I’m tweeting.” This is gonna sound corny, but I went through a period where I was really depressed, and I learned the choreography for a dance off a YouTube video. That was something I accomplished for no one but myself, and it helped me build confidence.
I’VE HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON A GUY FOR A REALLY LONG TIME, AND HE JUST SPONTANEOUSLY STARTED DATING MY BEST FRIEND. IT’S NO ONE’S FAULT, BUT WHAT DO I DO?
When you say “secret crush,” I’m guessing that means you haven’t told your friend. If you have, she’s a SNAKE and a LIAR. But it sounds like you haven’t. I think you have to suck it up, and in the future, when you have a crush, don’t hold back—go for it! For now, until you’re able to get over your feelings, don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re hanging with your crush and your friend and feeling like the third wheel.
I WANT TO IMPRESS MY CRUSH WITH MY TASTE IN MOVIES. WHAT SHOULD I ASK HER TO WATCH WITH ME?
It’s fun to watch a movie neither of you has seen. Something I do with my boyfriend is go through niche lists on Letterboxd, like “movies that open with this kind of scene” or “movies that have dance sequences,” and watch the trailers. That way, the picking itself is a game, and you do it together.
I THINK MY BOYFRIEND IS SECRETLY GAY. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE SOMETHING LIKE THAT. DO I PRETEND I DON’T THINK SO, OR DO I BREAK UP WITH HIM?
I had a gay boyfriend once. I asked and he said no, and he didn’t come out until years later. If you feel comfortable asking, make sure it’s not accusatory. Either way, if you don’t feel desired in the relationship, it’s okay to express that and break up.
I’M TAKING A GIRL ON A DATE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. WHERE SHOULD WE GO?
Find a place where you’ll feel comfortable and confident taking her. I especially love when people show me their favorite food spots and what they order.
WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO GET THROUGH A BREAKUP? HOW LONG IS IT OKAY TO BE SAD FOR?
Give yourself a period to really FEEL it all. I like to give myself a window to be sad and messy. Journaling is really helpful for me to track the ups and downs of my feelings. It’s also a great time to call every person you’ve ever met so you don’t have to be alone. Check in with your grandmas on both sides. Call your friend from camp, and your cousin. Remember all the other amazing relationships you have in your life. Do something you didn’t allow yourself to do in the relationship. And online shopping was really helpful for me in every breakup.
